[IMPORT] B and S

No. This isn't a blog post about BS. So don't bother. :))

These past few days, I've been absolutely dedicated to finishing Gossip Girl. Every time I click on a new episode, I would say "After this episode, I'm done. I'm going to work on my paper." that is, until I've realized I've finished an entire season without so much as typing down a single word for our Media Law finals paper.

But this isn't about my epic procrastination skills either. :)) Besides, we already know I'm awesome at that.

For an assignment that I did for my BroadJourn class, I identified Gossip Girl as a show that girls could relate to, but at that time I didn't really believe it. At that time I only watched sporadically and an episode couldn't really make me relate to any of the characters. But, none the less, I was a fan.

Another unrelated - but also slightly related story - is how a very close friend of mine calls me S. As in Serena's nickname. It all started when I was in first year. i had lost my pin that morning and I didn't have time to look for a new one, so I had to borrow a pin that belonged to my mom to hold my lamda up. On the way home, some guy sitting across from me asked if my name started with the letter S because that was what my pin was - being the paranoid freak that I am told him that it did, since I didn't really want to tell him my real name, I told him my name was Serena. It had become Andrea's moniker for me ever since.

But then, she also told me that aside from that very weird incident, I did sort of remind her of Serena sometimes. She told me that in my own way, I was also beautiful but naive, innocent and yet damned, uncontrollable but also wise (in my own way). And often times, when she felt less gracious, she also compared the fact that I had dated a number of guys to the guys that Serena was constantly seeing on the show.

Sometimes, I do believe her. Not because of the guys that I date, or because I sincerely believe that I'm beautiful but damned. Its because like Serena, I don't think I have ever found the path that I wanted to walk on, I've always felt like I was so unfortunate and yet things are constantly handed to me on a silver platter, I've never had to make a single choice in my life - everything was chosen for me, I'm self absorbed, and wild and crazy.

But there are also days when I feel the need to reassess this belief, I don't want the reputation, the parties, the boys, and the silver platter that comes with being Serena. I want the drama, the work and the tears that comes with being Blair Waldorf. I want to be a powerful woman, not a friendly one. I want my Chuck Bass and not the Dan Humphreys or Nate Archibalds. I want that great love, even if it may not be the right love.

Everyone sees me as Serena Van Der Woodsen; but when I look at the mirror everyday, all I can ever think about is how badly I want to be Blair Waldorf.